I never thought that I could hate a plant, literally, hate a plant. I was walking round a large garden nursery the other day and there it was, riling me, with its pea green leaves. Not just one but a whole row of the plants, all in pots and ready for sale. The nursery was near the coast and those plants were similarly there because they are ideal for growing on the coast. Always doubt a gardening expert, especially when they are marketing plants. In this instance, the plant might have been fine 50 years ago but not today; times have changed. I know this plant because when I moved to Sheffield in 1973, my boss praised it. He explained that it was a coastal shrub, but it’s comfortable with Pennine conditions and creates fine garden hedges.

Griselinia littoralis

Yes, I know its a bit of a mouthful but there is no common name. How is it possible, you might say, for there to be an issue with garden hedges? Normally, I might have agreed. However, there are virtually tens of thousands of these shrubs, forming hedges, in Highcliffe. That amounts to the size of a nature reserve, except that the nature bit is missing. That’s right, no insects live on this plant because it never flowers or produces fruit. It is of no use to birds except as a green lump on the boundary. Let’s send them back where they belong, to New Zealand.

Garden Hedges

You could say, lighten-up. However, putting nature to one side, this plant also has a problem with global warming. I look at the hedges and they often don’t look healthy. That is because this shrub cannot tolerate wet soils and yet it now has to sit in a wet bog all winter. It either looks sickly or is already dead. Okay, there is a benefit because this shrub is not poisonous to dogs! But then, what is? I have never known a dog eat laurel or yew, both of which are poisonous. Is it a new craze, dogs eating hedges? Marketing will kill this country but not before their useless hedges have seen off all the wildlife!